The Author
With a degree in English, Gary Buslik has absolutely no idea how to make an honest living. For four years he lied to his parents, who believed he was in law school. When he finally got outed as a literature major, his mother cried for weeks, and his father strode around the house ranting, "Big man! He knows the parts of speech!" After getting kicked out of the house and being disowned, Gary lived in the airport reciting Henry James for spare change. One day a veteran travel writer took pity on him and showed him how, by making hotel and restaraunt owners naively believe he would write good reviews about them, they would give him free rooms, meals, and drinks.
So he went on to forge a useless degree into a rewarding lifestyle.
These days he writes novels, short stories, and essays and, in case the government should ask any questions, teaches literature and creative writing at the University of Illinois at Chicago--which isn't quite an honest living, but you work with what you have.
He windsurfs and plays softball. He does not play golf. Please do not ask him to play golf.
The Missionary's Position
Follow the zany antics of rich, lusty, and satanic Wendy Gibbleman as she teams up with despotic president-for-life Austin Sewer as they double-handedly try to destroy the Caribbean.
In this hilarious novel, plot twists, quirky characters, and screeching action take you on a ride as fun and fast-paced as an island minibus.
"JOLLY...FUNNY...HEARTWARMING. No matter what ails you, this book will cheer you up."
-- Elaine Jaffe-Randolph, Book Marks
In this hilarious novel, plot twists, quirky characters, and screeching action take you on a ride as fun and fast-paced as an island minibus.
"JOLLY...FUNNY...HEARTWARMING. No matter what ails you, this book will cheer you up."
-- Elaine Jaffe-Randolph, Book Marks
A Rotten Person Travels the Caribbean
From Nevis to Havana, Antigua to Grenada, and everywhere in between, be the gecko on the wall in Gary Buslik's strange and hilarious love affair with the Caribbean and, occasionally, his wife. Each chapter recounts another island-hopping, culture-clashing crisis that pits the homesick author against lethal coconuts, murderous Rastas, garbage-bin sex, and the French. Screamingly funny and often poignant, Buslik once again plies the tropics with shark eye and barracuda wit.
"FAST-PACED, QUICK-WITTED, and dangerously irreverent."
-- Elliott Hester, author of Adventures of a Continental Drifter and the bestselling Plane Insanity
A Conversation with Gary Buslik
About A ROTTEN PERSON TRAVELS THE CARIBBEAN
Q: You rescue stray cats, you’re devoted to your wife, and you generally come across as a pretty decent human being. So, what makes you a rotten person, as the title of your book states?
Buslik: I speak for the rotten person in all of us. I give voice to oppressed American travelers, especially these days, when the dollar is worth less than toilet paper and is sometimes used as such in Third-World airport bathrooms. Think of me as a travel messiah.
Q: You consider yourself Christlike?
Buslik: Except that Jesus didn't throw his friends under a bus for a cheap laugh. Of course, we weren't there, so who knows?
Q: Some of the exploits you describe are pretty farfetched. Peeing on Idi Amin’s feet? A dinner invitation from Princess Diana? How much of the material in these tales is real, how much is made up, and how much is, well, gently embellished?
Buslik: For the sake of storytelling and comic effect, I've embellished some details and exaggerated some characters, but other than that every episode in A Rotten Person Travels the Caribbean is essentially true except for the acknowledgements, in which I completely made up the names of those people I want to thank. The truth is, I don't really want to thank anyone, and I wouldn't have anyone to thank even if I did. No one helped me write this book, no one gave me the least bit of encouragement, and, in fact, several threatened my life.
Q: What originally attracted you to the Caribbean?
Buslik: Romance. One night shortly after we met, when my now-wife and I finished making love, she sighed, "There must be more to life than this." So I suggested getting married and honeymooning in Branson, Missouri, to see Andy Williams. Instead, she bought a travel magazine, pointed to a picture of a hammock strung between palm trees and said, "Buy it for me." She meant the Caribbean, not the hammock, because that's how my wife thinks. I was just starting out then, so I could not afford to actually buy the entire region. But adoring my wife and not wanting her to think I was a piker, off we went to Jamaica to look over our future acquisition.
Q: Can you share with us the biggest life lesson you’ve learned while traveling throughout the Caribbean?
Buslik: Indeed I can, and this from personal experience. When sneaking Cuban cigars past customs, do not separate them. At the Miami airport, security agents are highly trained to spot individual cigars on an X-ray screen. If you are caught, they will waterboard you until you confess to having understated the total value of cocktail stirrers you brought back into the country, and they will cavity-search your wife for rubber alligators. They will also confiscate your Big & Buxom Biker Chicks magazine. On the other hand, if you tie your Cuban cigars together, they will merely show up on the screen as a bundle of dynamite, and you'll zip through customs like a VIP.
Q: Do you have a favorite Caribbean locale?
Buslik: I'm very fond of the Dutch islands, such as St. Maarten, Curacao, and Aruba. The Dutch run their tourism-related businesses cleanly and efficiently, in order to make up for the fact that you have to dig up your tulip bulbs in October and replant them every spring. Also, the Dutch are funnier than other people when they’re drunk. They tend to climb palm trees for no particular reason and fall on their heads. I suspect this has something to do with tulip bulbs.
Q: You’ve sampled a great deal of island culture during your travels. What aspects of the Caribbean do you find particularly interesting, from a historical perspective?
Buslik: I’m intrigued by the number of Jewish synagogues that all claim to be the first in the Western Hemisphere. Almost every island has one, which you can visit for normally five dollars, but for you, three-fifty. On several islands the synagogues themselves are gone, but we know that there must have been thriving pre-Columbian Hebrew communities there because you can still see plaques on ancient volcanic boulders that say, "Gift of Max and Bessie Fleischman."
Q: How did you start doing travel writing?
Buslik: Because I graduated college with a degree in English, I had absolutely no idea how to make an honest living. For four years I had lied to my parents, who believed I was attending law school. When I finally got outed as a literature major, my poor mother cried for months, and my father would stride around the house ranting, "Big man! He knows the parts of speech!" After he kicked me out and disowned me, I lived in the airport for a while reciting Henry James for spare change. One day a veteran travel writer took pity on me and showed me how, by making hotel and restaurant owners naively believe I would write good reviews about them, they would give me free rooms, meals, and drinks. So I managed to forge a useless degree into a rewarding lifestyle.
